Please Stay

I'm only a mere mortal.

So, who doesn’t get attracted to a handsome face? 

Source: DrCartoon

 

He is one of the blessed few with that perfectly chiselled face of a Greek god. In my whole life, I’ve never seen such a perfect face until I laid my eyes on him. He shook my world, stirred the saintly woman in me.

No, I was wrong. This Greek god didn’t shake my world only when we first met. He still does shake my world at present. 

For the first time, I couldn’t stop thinking about someone all the time. I feel like I am going to go crazy. Is this what teenagers usually feel about their first love?

Who was I to know? Even when I say yes I was in love before, my close friends tell me I didn't love my exes, I was never the one to go crazy, never the one to cry the last tear, never the one who had a hard time moving on. A closest friend said I might be in love for the first time.

I doubt it. I think I’m pretty sure I fell in love before. This may just be in a different form or level, who am I to know? I am never an expert on relationships.

Though he doesn’t share anything much about himself, I don’t feel any mystery about him at all. I know that if it’s meant to know him well, I will. If not, then let it be what I don’t know about him.

I am in no hurry to know him more. I might have my lifetime to get to know him well, as a friend, or if the gods can hear my prayers, more than that uncomplicated bond.

He must be a god.

Because of him, my demons are either hiding at the moment or gone for good. Since I met him, I can sleep soundly like a child because I feel safe even when he’s not around.

I could never sleep with the lights out. I would turn all the lights on at my apartment. I was always afraid of the dark since I was a child. I always feel I was in danger. But now, I can even sleep even when everything around me is dark.

My demons must have feared him. It's like everything about him cures and heals whatever were wrong of me.

He must be a wingless angel.

When he touched me, I never felt that elated joy before in my lifetime. I thought I’d fly. When he held me in his arms, I thought I’d pass out. Saying I was over the moon would be an understatement.

For a while, I felt I would go exactly crazy, thinking I will never ever see him again. His presence is like a new addiction, a new drug that heals me from all of my mental and psychological illnesses. I felt like I would be dragged down deeper into an abyss if he disappears from my life. I don’t want to lose him anymore.

But, I don’t want to burden him with my pointless and superfluous sensations. This is definitely not what he wants in his life.

I may be wrong.

Although I put him on a high pedestal whom I can rely on and depend on to save me, I can see that he mirrors me. Like me, he doesn’t trust people easily. He’s even more cautious than I am. His walls are sturdier and stronger to tear down.

The more someone tries to tear down those walls, the more he distances himself and the more he builds a stronger and more walls around him.

I don’t mind that he won’t tear down those walls for me. I just want to see him, be with him more often. His presence makes me stronger. I feel like a hungry tyro longing for her master’s wise morsels.

He mirrors me. Behind that charming face that exudes confidence is someone who craves intimacy. The real one. If only I am the one who could provide that to him. If only I am the one he longs for.

There’s nothing in this world right now I want to see than his face before I close my eyes to sleep and his smile when I open them in the morning. There is nothing I long most right now than to touch him. To feel his skin on my hands, lips, and tongue. If only I could hug him every time I feel tired, sad, angry, mad, or whenever I feel like I’m going crazy.

I wanted to beg more for him to save me. But even gods have limitations.

Save me, please. Stay, Please stay, Hug me and tell me everything will be fine soon. Make me smile again.